The Lemmings Poetry Club

What is a Lemming?
Uncommonly known as Synaptomys cooperi
lemming (lem'ing) n. Any of various rodents of the genus Lemmus and related genera, of northern regions, such as the European species L. lemmus. Noted for its suicidal mass migrations as a result of periodic population increases. [Norwegian lemming, lemende, akin to Swedish lemmel, of obscure origination]

There are about a dozen different kinds of Lemming, including the Southern Bog Lemming, the Collared Lemming and the Norwegian Lemming. Most live in the cold northern areas of Europe, Asis and North America. Some Lemmings even live in the northeastern and midwestern United States.
Lemmings measure about 5 inches (13 cm) from their short snouts to the tips of their stubby tails. The average Lemming weighs in at about 4 oz. (113 g). Most Lemmings have gray or brown fur. Lemmings are herbavores and eat moss, grass and various other plants. Female Lemmings give birth to a litter of 3 - 7 young after a pregnancy of about three weeks. Females may have several litters a year. The average lifespan for a Lemming in the wild is less than two years. (Wonder why?...)

  • Here is a site devoted to the Biology of our esteemed rodent, the Lemming!
  • A simple introduction to the species by Matthew Johnson, includes a cute little drawing of a Southern Bog Lemming.
  • Bill Denham, a contributer to the LPC has this nifty page which he wants to share with you.

    How to say "Lemming" in various languages
    German: der Lemming
    French: la Lemming
    Spanish: el Leming
    Portugese: Lemo
    Finnish:: Lemen

    What is The Lemming Poetry Club?

    The LPC strives to bring you the most...errr..unique..poetry on the very singular topic of...none other than...THE LEMMING!
    We of the LPC derive our inspiration from the five Muses of our favorite furry critter:
    If you would like to contribute to the LPC, by all means, DO! But be warned - you may become addicted. Syllie did... now look! He now surfs the Net for nude lemming pix!
    Table of Contents
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt I: The First by Christine L. Santos
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt II: The Return of Syllie by Sadi Khan
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt III: Sir Shean gets in the act by Andrew V. Disbrow
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt IV: A lament to a dying Lemming by Steven Walter Matulewicz
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt V: The Limerick by John H. Roberts
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt VI: We're not finished yet by Clayton S. Caddy
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt VII: The Haiku by Patrick I. White
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt VIII: The insanity spreads by Matt Parker
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt IX: I want to be a Lemming by Jesse C. Perry
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt X: Illustrated by John H. Chandler
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt XI: Yet another by Jessica L. Atwood
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt XII: Lemming pie by Sadi Khan
  • Ode to a Lemming Pt XIII: The Epic Saga by Patrick I. White
  • Steamed Lemming with Sauce (Ode to a Lemming pt XIV) by Christine L. Santos and Patrick I. White
  • The Epic Poem of Roy the Chartreuse Lemming (Ode to a Lemming Pt XV) by Bill Denham

    Ode to a Lemming Pt I: The First
    by     Christine L. Santos
    Little fuzzy rodent
    Floating gently with the tide,
    When you approached the cliff
    You should have watched your stride.
    You ran right off the edge
    And with a belly-flop you died.
    Why would any living creature
    look forward to mass suicide?

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt II: The Return of Syllie
    by Sadi Khan
    Oh why, dear mouse-thing do you go,
    Off cliffs and mountains you don't know,
    To slam into the ground below,
    And break your bones with crushing blow?

    But then if you don't go ker-whup,
    I suppose that I'd just blow you up.

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt III: Sir Shean gets in the act
    by     Andrew V. Disbrow
    Deleted by author's request

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt IV: A lament to a dying Lemming
    by Steven Walter Matulewicz
    Oh woe, to thine brown scruff of form,
    with instinct of sad death was born,
    I send my tears and grievous cries
    when thou flignest thyself and dies.

    I wonder at thy furry mind
    who flaps thine arms and thinks thou fly'd
    across the sea! Across the foam!
    And in a safer burrow roam.

    And as you sink onto the sand
    and in an Angel Fish do land.
    I sadden most because of aims
    of Lemmings on our video games.

    At least in life thou hast a chance
    In games of men, thou only dance.

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt V: The Limerick
    by     John H. Roberts
    There one was a lemming named Sam
    Who said "A lemming I am!"
    When faced with a cliff,
    His body went stiff.
    And they scraped him off the ground like spam.

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt VI: We're not finished yet
    by     Clayton S. Caddy
    Brown and furry,
    short of sight,
    in a hurry,
    in a fright,
    Move in masses,
    run like hell,
    to some safety,
    perceived well.

    High and stony,
    grey and cold,
    soaring cliffs,
    seas of old,
    give no warning,
    do not cry,
    for falling rodents,
    from the sky.

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt VII: The Haiku
    by     Patrick I. White
    Lemming suicide
    running off cliffs together
    wet, furry lemmings.

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt VIII: The insanity spreads
    by Matt Parker
    Oh silly lemming, why is there such discord?
    You jumped off that real high cliff without a bungee cord.
    You fell from that high height and broke your fuzzy tail.
    "Oh," you said, "What a time for the anti-grav pack to fail.
    So, little lemming, don't you jump! Why don't you Parasail?
    Cause reading all this lemming stuff makes me moan and wail!!

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt IX: I want to be a Lemming
    by     Jesse C. Perry
    Faster and faster I follow my Leader
    Unknowingly Leading one behind.
    As we dash to the edge I seek The Answer
    Before I impact it appears in my Mind.

    "Dumbass, You Shouldn't Follow Another Brainless
    Rodent Like Mammal To Your Impending Doom."

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt X: Illustrated
    by     John H. Chandler 

        Lemminglemminglemminglemminglemminglemminglemming
 					       cliff .
					       cliff .
					       cliff l
					       cliff e
					       cliff m
					       cliff m
					       cliff i
					       cliff n
					       cliff g
					       cliff .
					       cliff .
					       cliff .
					       cliff *SPLAT*

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt XI: Yet another
    by     Jessica L. Atwood
    Lemmings lemmings everywhere
    Brown rodent bodies all a-pile
    Suicidals mounding 'round
    Seems to be a new thing in style..

    Lemmings lemmings everywhere
    Raining down from the sky
    We don't ask from whence they came
    We just know they can't fly...

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt XII: Lemming pie
    by Sadi Khan
    Of Orange, Of Kiwi, of Lime green and blue,
    Of Custard, of Mustard, and yes, Ketchup too,
    On table, in cable, for supper tonight,
    There's this little pie that doesn't taste right.

    With whisker and claw, and tail - even jaw,
    This fresh lemming pie is destined for maw.

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    Ode to a Lemming Pt XIII: The Epic Saga
    by     Patrick I. White

    A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there lived a Lemming named Mike. Mike was a happy Lemming. He liked to play Fußball and collected bottlecaps. He was in the sixth grade at Lemming Regional Junior/Senior High. Like all Lemmings his age, Mike couldn't wait to join the annual migration to the South. His parents, older siblings and many of his friends had done it. Of course, he never gave much thought as to why none of them ever came back, but that didn't matter. In less then two weeks he would have his chance, he would pack up his things and follow the herd. Mike couldn't wait.
    Finally the day arrived. Mike combed his fur, put on clean underwear, grabbed his duffle bag and set out to join the fray. On his way he bought a souvenir thimble and sent a few postcards. After stampeding for a while, Mike came to a clearing. He heard odd crashing noises and noticed water spraying into the air. Mike also heard screams of, "Whhheeeeee!!!!", but before he could ponder this, he had fallen off the cliff with the rest of the herd.
    Whhheeeee!!!
    The End

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    Steamed Lemming with Sauce
    by     Christine L. Santos and Patrick I. White
    (tastes like chicken!)
    Serves 4
    Find a herd of Lemmings.
    Set a trap at the edge of a cliff.
    Stampede the dinner into it.
    Discard the old, sick and damaged ones.
    Gather the rest into a large basket.
    Skin the lemmings and remove the heads, save these for the gravy.
    Marinade the Lemmings overnight in a mixture of 3 gal. cooking sherry, 1 lb. garlic powder and salt & pepper to taste.
    Boil 5 gal. water in a large pot.
    Steam the Lemmings in a large bamboo steamer with carrots, asparagus and baby onions for 3 hours.
    Make your sauce in a side pot. We recommend Pesto, Alfredo or a nice Marinara sauce.
    Serve on a bed of wild rice.
    Bon appeit!
    Serve with Lemming-ade. (suggested by The Jammer (jfm@hopper.unh.edu)

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    An Epic Poem of Roy the Chartreuse Lemming by Bill Denham

    In days of old
    it is told
    there was a lemming named Roy
    on a cold grey day
    or so some say
    he was born to a lemming King
    but here's the thing
    or so some sing
    he was the son of a common lemming

    he didn't know a salad fork
    from a side of pork
    he couldn't dance
    never had a chance
    and never got into any girls' pants.

    Another fact
    which screwed up Roy's act
    was that he was chartreuse,
    not like chartreuse dragonfly snot,
    but so chartreuse that even in his cot,
    even if he was in danger of being shot,
    his colour was undeniable.

    To make it clear
    Since I can see you're bored my dear
    Roy was a lemming of colour.

    Roy went to school,
    he was no fool
    he majored in law,
    yet no one saw
    his greatest flaw
    was not his chartreuse hue,
    but his friend named Hugh
    who was a lemming too
    but who would turn traitor to Roy.

    O dark, dark day
    in the month of May
    when Hugh did say
    to Roy, "Old Lay,
    Why not make a campaign stop in Dallas?"
    O, Dallas, Dallas, alas, alas!
    Wherefore art thou not Peoria?
    If so, you wouldn't be an eyesoria.

    Roy, our next best hope,
    sure to be elected Pope,
    in a limo he did cope
    with calls on his cell phone about soap
    and did he mope?
    Nope.

    Mrs. Roy by his side
    swelling up with civic pride
    he was not at all snide
    but smiled at the multitudes.
    Not swayed by platitudes
    or by platypuses
    or even wusses
    Roy showed his perfect teeth

    But evil Hugh from the crowd did rush
    just this once he sat not on his tush
    he'd been hiding behind a bush
    he had a mountain goat
    no, not a boat
    not a many-coloured coat
    not some styrofoam which could float,
    but a real live goat, which he flung
    through the air till it hung
    in the space over our hero unsung
    Mrs Roy gasped,
    Governor Connally rasped,
    "holy shit, it's a kangaroo!"
    not having been to the zoo
    and having spent too much time with his shoe
    to be a species expert.

    Oh Roy fair,
    now do we dare
    to say we care
    that you're no longer with us;
    life would be sweet,
    if we could meet
    you in the street,
    and you we'd greet
    and smell your feet.
    Life would be a lark
    it wouldn't be hard to park
    there would be lightness in dark
    essays we wouldn't have to mark
    no need for anyone to be a narc
    we'd know all about the quark
    have unlimited Cutty Sark

    Oh why why why,
    sigh oh sigh,
    has Roy gone on high?
    If I could fly,
    I would really really try
    to find his new abode
    and discover if he has sold
    his story bold
    to any agent cold.
    And if he had, I'd set my sights
    on Roy's movie rights.

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    Submitions should be sent to our founder, Christine.
    You're the (Insert_number_here) lemming to visit here! Nifty, eh?